by Alice Teeple

On the Information Superhighway, I'm one of those back alleys in Madrid that smell of rotting tapas.  I have a TV, but am too cheap to pay cable bills.  I am also too cheap to acquire the free newspapers allotted to students, because I just don't feel the need to carry my Penn State ID with me at all times.  I figure, if it's truly newsworthy, I'll hear about it first, then read about it.  News is depressing anyway.  Can't have anything cramping my style, eh? 

So imagine my utter surprise when I heard that Pledge was deemed unconstitutional by some judge.  Unconstitutional?  Pledge?  What has it done to anyone?  It's been a part of the American lifestyle for eons.  It IS America.  It is as engrained into our hearts as baseball and kosher hot dogs.
 
 
 
 

That crisp, lemon-y smell?  The fabulous way it shines up my wood and picks up dust like a magnet?  No sir-ee, I'm not going to accept that one without a fight.  I don't see one thing in the American Constitution that says anything about Pledge.  Pledge has served our country long and proudly: clearing the country of unnecessary dust bunnies, making houses all over this great nation shiny and citrus-fresh, and keeping America's lemon harvesters employed (for the lemonade industry certainly isn't).  Why pick on this fine Soldier of Hygiene?
 
 
 
 
 
 

I love my Pledge with all my heart.  Please, please do not make it unconstitutional.  Sign petitions.  Picket with your American-flag Swiffer Cloths (lord knows there has to be some out there...) waving high.  TV screens and antique hutches everywhere will thank you.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I mean, lord knows I love my Murphy's Oil Soap, but Pledge will always be nearest and dearest to this loyal lover of tidiness.  I am willing to fight the grand fight for this one.