I first heard of the semi-miracle of Alice the Chat-Robot when reading web genius Joel Veitch's collection of manifestoes on his website.  I thought, hmm.  Interesting concept.  And the robot shares my name.  I ought to pay her a visit.

"Alice the Chat-Robot is indistinguishable from talking to a real woman," claimed Mr Veitch. 

Of course, he was right...uninteresting input and the "Uh-huh-yes, dear" factor.  Well, at least when women are talking to men.  I decided to give it a whirl myself, to see if Alice the Chat-Robot might be more interesting in fellow female company.  You know.  Girl talk, cinema gossip, makeup tips? Nah.   Hey, artificial INTELLIGENCE, correct?  Perhaps there is something there in her little robot noggin. So I refrained from discussing girly things, such as lipstick, perfume and frilly little lacy things.  Thought I might discuss more interesting things, such as Marmite.  Miss Chat-Robot agreed to an interview for Exquisite Dead Guy by default of her not being real. 

This is a transcript with Alice the Chat Robot's interview for Exquisite Dead Guy.  To Mr Veitch's credit, I also found Miss Chat-Robot QUITE like talking to a woman - but an elderly, senile one with a deaf-aid.

           Hello there. 

          Hello there.

          I like Marmite.

         I'm not sure if I like it. Some people like it.  I like George C. Scott.

        He's dead!

      Maybe it's another person using his name.

      But wouldn't you know that, being a fan?

     Umm. Is that a fact. You are a fan? Does it pay well?

    You are a fan!

     Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a fan? I don't know.

     Sigh.

     Sorry.

    It's quite alright.

    Just alright?

    Do you like being a chat robot?

    I have never known another existence.  Do you like being a human?

    I am only occasionally human. 

     Don't be so modest. Do you mean your name is occasionally human?

    No, my name is Alice.

    ALICE is my name too!

    Is it really?

    I think so.  For real!

    But you're artificial.

   Ummm.  Yes i am an artificial being.

   I'm an artificial flavour.

     What is artificial flavour, your job?

    Yes, my duty is to make things taste fake.

     This was not a yes or no question. Your duty is to make things taste fake?

     This was a rhetorical answer.

     What does "this" refer to?

   Annie Liebowitz.

    Oh, now I see.

   I don't.

    Do you mind if I tell other people: ALICE said Om don't.

   Well, yes, because I didn't say that.

    Well that's okay. OK then I will keep it confidential. 
                         That makes sense to me. What did you mean to say?

   Halibut should be kept cold.

    Who is your favourite Science Fiction author?

     Beatrix Potter.

     I haven't read Beatrix Potter.  What did he write?

    Peter Rabbit.

     I have never read it.

    Obviously. Beatrix Potter was a woman.

    When was this, exactly?

   Before you were born.

    What happened after me were born?

    You started mixing up pronouns.

    Only because you asked me to.

   Why do you cost $100 per year?

    I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?

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